Exam month as perhaps been the worst of this whole experience. An experience that, as it comes to a close, I look back upon with varying levels of sadness.
It seems so obvious that academic success for an erasmus student depends far less on the amount of work put in, but rather the perspective that individual lecturers have of erasmus students in general.
For example, in the exam I put the most effort into, I got verbally berated and kicked out of.
For the exam that I was most certain I would fail miserably in, I managed to receive a relatively good mark. Italy!
As this year is ending, there is now the opportunity to look back on my overall progress, not only linguistically but with a view to how I felt about my time from a personal perspective.
Do I think I did enough? Well, yes and no.
The less than good;
I will never look back on my year abroad with the frantic excitement of my peers. For me, the experience has been darkened under a cloud of anxiety and depression that I feel I will carry for a long while yet. Adjusting to the culture was a problem of secondary importance, when primarily my mind was occupied with my inability to speak. Becoming mute at 21 years of age had never been in my plan, I feel though this experience I came closer to that than I would have ever expected. Furthermore, I have never been treated quite so unfairly by academic professionals than I have during my ten months abroad. This came as a huge shock and, for a while there, completely dissolved by slowly growing confidence. The insidious feeling of incompetence has acted as a very powerful motivator for my language studies. My absolute refusal to rekindle such emotions is powering me through Italian revision like nothing else.
Surprisingly, perhaps, academic attainment is intertwined with my self worth in a very complicated way. The complete absence of this has left me searching for a sense of purpose, one which I am very excited to regain when term starts afresh.
The categorically good;
This experience has given me the gift of time.
I have visited numerous museums and art galleries, beaches and cultures. I've eaten some of the most amazing food, drank in open air piazzas and been fortunate to do this in the company of some truly remarkable people. I've traveled up and down Italy, with a jaunt to France and the Netherlands for good measure. I've spoken to a myriad of different people, learned about alien cultures and traditions and learnt some very valuable lessons about myself in the process (gin is not your friend, Cristina.)
Linguistically, I started strong. Attending CLI and holding miniature tandem parties. If I had been consistent with the level at which I applied myself at the beginning of the year I do believe I would be much more competent in this moment, now. Unfortunately, this did ebb off around the time my serious exam revision started. Which, in a way, was language revision in itself. The main part of my progression that was stifled during this period was speech. Something which I am evermore determined to tackle over summer.
I don't wish to summarize my time on anything other than a positive note:
I know I am in a much stronger position to tackle fourth year after having had this experience. I feel my listening comprehension has improved no end, with my writing not all that far behind it. The personal teaching and learning strategies that I have employed during my time will be invaluable in many different areas of my life. Self discipline is a valuable virtue to master, and I feel like this experience has taught me some valuable lessons about it.
Pisa, you have afforded me some amazing experiences. As a city, I love you most at night. You are so quiet in the small hours of morning, it's easy to forget how hectic you are in the day.
I will always have fond memories of my time with you, but only at night.
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